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To begin with, identify the troubling emotion, and create what is called a Reminder Phrase - that wording which describes and/or will bring up the emotion. For instance, your Reminder Phrase might be: "This fear of rejection." We want a phrase that will remind you what the issue is, so that the disturbance in the energy system remains present until it is balanced. Otherwise, it is possible to become distracted from the issue while thinking of which points to tap, and the anxiety may seem to dissipate. As you make the statement, note how uncomfortable you are about this issue on a scale of zero (not at all) to ten (as upset as possible). This is called a SUDs scale - Subjective Units of Discomfort. It is sometimes difficult to evaluate this, but try to do so, as it will be effective in recognizing that relief is being gained.
We start the technique with the Setup. There is likely to be some reluctance to let go of this issue - remember, there is a reason you have this feeling or belief. This desire on the part of the subconscious mind to hold onto this issue is called psychological reversal - you are reversed about your desire to make this change, and there is actually a reversal in the polarity of your energy flow. The Setup clears the way for the tapping to work. It is a statement of acceptance in spite of the negative emotion or experience you are seeking to remove. Using your Reminder Phrase, it is stated like this: "Even though I have this fear of rejection, I deeply and completely accept myself." You will repeat this three times, and you can also interchange the words accept, forgive and love as you feel appropriate. It also helps, if you are willing, to state forgiveness and acceptance at the end of the third repetition for "anyone else who may have contributed to this issue." While repeating the Setup, you will tap with two fingers on the karate chop point on the edge of your hand. The meridians run along both sides of the body, so you can tap with either hand on either side of the body. You will then proceed to tap on the following points while repeating the Reminder Phrase: Finish the round by taking a deep breath, then checking in with yourself to see where the level of discomfort is. Remember to rate your discomfort on a scale of 0-10 each time so that you can monitor your progress with each issue. You will most likely feel more relaxed - and it is possible that the negative emotion will be gone.
If you are not experiencing the desired relief, it isn't that the technique didn't work, but rather that the issue may be more stubborn and/or complicated. Many issues are made up of little issues, and specificity can go a long way towards speeding up your relief. While "I'm afraid of rejection" may work fine, targeting that incident in the third grade where you lost out on the big role in the school play might more effectively stir up those electrical impulses that we are seeking to short circuit. Should you have trouble identifying specific incidents, don't be surprised when they make themselves known as you tap on more general issues. Notice if the wording of what bothers you changes - it may now be "The teacher's tone of voice really upset me" or "Susie Perkins laughed at me." Then, go through the procedure again with the new more appropriate Reminder Phrase. Note: If you keep the wording the same in subsequent rounds, The Setup affirmation and the Reminder Phrase are adjusted to reflect that you are addressing the remaining problem. ("Even though I still have this fear of rejection, I deeply and completely accept myself…," and repeating "This remaining fear of rejection" as you tap the Sequence.) I urge you to keep tapping until you've reduced the negative emotion down to a zero - and it helps to tap with a friend who will encourage you to do so. Go for complete relief - you deserve it!
Basically, that is EFT. Memorize the Basic Recipe, and then aim it at any emotional or physical problem by customizing it with an appropriate Setup affirmation and Reminder Phrase. Where necessary, be persistent until all aspects of the problem have vanished. Try it on everything!!!
Very often, relief is experienced by simply doing what is called the shortcut, which is one round of just the first eight points. You will probably find yourself using this more often, turning to the full procedure for more stubborn issues. Here's an example of the shortcut with possible wording to use as a template:
Think of the problem, choose a Reminder Phrase (we'll use "Fear of rejection") and notice how bothered you are on a scale of one to ten. Then begin tapping the Karate Chop point and say (emphatically): "Even though I have this fear of rejection, I deeply and completely accept myself… Even though I have this fear of rejection, I deeply and completely forgive myself… Even though I have this fear of rejection, I deeply and completely accept, forgive and love myself!"
Now tap on the Crown Point and say your Reminder Phrase: "This fear of rejection." Tap on the Eyebrow Point and say: "This fear of rejection." Tap on the Side of Eye Point and say: "This fear of rejection." Tap on the Under Eye Point and say: "This fear of rejection." Tap on the Under Nose Point and say: "This fear of rejection." Tap on the Chin Point and say: "This fear of rejection." Tap on the Collar Bone Point and say: "This fear of rejection." Tap on the Under Arm Point and say: "This fear of rejection."
Take a deep breath, and then notice if the feeling has changed, rating it again on a scale of one to ten. Repeat as necessary.
Don't let the simplicity, or that the procedure may seem strange, dissuade you from using this powerful technique. The key is to find what is stopping you - what you are subconsciously afraid of. One of the most effective ways to do this is to finish the following statement:
"If I took this action towards success, the negative consequence would be…"
What will usually come up is a limiting belief. Tap on it. Here are some frequent stoppers that might help you get started tapping:
Even though I have this anxiety… Even though I have this fear of success… Even though I have this fear of failure… Even though I have this craving for… Even though I have this pain in my… Even though I'm upset at my boss… Even though I made this mistake… Even though it's not safe for me to do pursue this goal… Even though I don't deserve this… Even though this goal seems too hard… Even though it's not okay for me to take this action… Even though my family thinks I shouldn't do this… Even though I don't believe I can achieve this…
Don't wait until you know what the right wording is. While it is best to tap on the specific troubling issue, it is better to tap generally on any discomfort you may be feeling than not to tap at all. Too often, what stops us at the beginning is the reluctance to take any action until we are sure it is the right action. Perfectionism leads to procrastination, which leads to paralysis. Consider this: it is better to be an imperfect success than a perfect failure. Start now. If you're not starting now, look at what is stopping you, and tap on it.
Even though I don't know what to tap on…
I recommend tapping daily, particularly on issues that continue to be sticky. They will wear away with persistence. It's best if you schedule times to tap - like after meals, or on bathroom breaks. Make time, because when you wait until you "find the time" it rarely gets found. Decide now that you are worth the effort, because you are.
Perhaps you can see why it is aptly named "Emotional Freedom Techniques." Using EFT, you are free to choose your emotions, rather than settling for those that show up by default. This means you are free to choose happiness. Don't get caught up in conditional happiness, such as "I'll be happy when I have more money..." or "I'll be happy when I meet the right person…" You can choose to be happy now.
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